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Below are 20 journal entries, after skipping by the 20 most recent ones recorded in bardkris' LiveJournal:

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Monday, April 19th, 2010
3:32 am
If I'd been home tonight, I would have accomplished wonders.
As it is, I just completely reorganized my mail folders in yahoo and gmail. Reorganizing things from 8 years ago to now. It literally took two hours. I wish I'd been able to channel this at home. Oh, well. Hopefully soon I'll be able to spring clean there, too.
1:38 am
librarything.com
I'm returning to the fun of cataloging. Eventually all my books, movies, games (and sadly dirty secrets about what I own) will be on there. You can join the fun of having your friends know what you have. It's much more fun than you'd think.

Basic accounts are free and you can post like... 400 things I think. Check it out and friend me, seriously.

Woo! Love you all. Feel free to ignore this particular cult behavior. Odd the timing, though.
12:56 am
Epic summer!
Ok. I've decided I'm going to do Herculian tasks this summer. This will require Kit and I to be awesome and possibly a little help from friends and relatives, though probably Kit and I can do it.

To do:Read more...Collapse )
Sunday, April 18th, 2010
12:35 am
In the news.
Ok, some news I just feel I have to talk about.

How awesome is it that there is legislation requiring hospitals that use medicaid and medicare to allow anyone designated by the patient to be their emergency contact/ person by their bed? To understand how important this is, you have to know that some horrible relatives and religious hospitals were not allowing gay and lesbian patients to have their significant others bedside. They had to suffer alone. But not if they want that government check, they can't. Woo!

Also, Steven Seagal keeps sex slaves. I hate him so much that as horrible as this is, I'm so glad. He's so full of crap and he somehow managed to parlay his crappy movie career into actually being a horrible 'lawman' and finally people will know him for the skeeze he is.

Finally, in personal news, in a return to my Discordian roots, I've been really enjoying the music of pretty much the only truly successful Discordian musicians ever, the KLF. And they are not only awesome musically, they are pretty much my new heroes.
12:23 am
'Cult behavior'
Or "The problems I have with most marijuana smokers, ployamourous people, online Gamers, furries, LARPers, some people who drink, smoke shisha, are in the military or certain churches or religions, and a few people who have expensive hobbies, read/write a certain kind of fiction, salesmen, and people who listen only to certain genres of music".

See why I called it the shorter thing above? Please note the added emphasis of the bolded words.Read more...Collapse )
Monday, April 12th, 2010
5:21 am
Deconstructing myself, Pt. 2
I'm going to try to do a thoughtful/thought-provoking post at least once a week. Know that most of my 'friends' are gone, but this journal was always for me anyway.

So, another reason I worry I'm simply defying my nature and everyone assumes I'm a horrible pessimist is that I always see how easily a fairly benign tool can be perverted super-villain style.

This turned into a paranoid rant. If that's not your thing, don't read further.

Read more...Collapse )
Wednesday, April 7th, 2010
11:53 pm
Thank you for playing.
Ever just get so tired of something you just want to take your toys and go home. And not in the petty, 'I'm taking my toys and going home' throwing a fit sort of way, just in a 'look, I don't much want to play if we're not using the same rules' sort of way.

There's a person in my life (not Kit, thank god) that, for lack of a better term, 'cheats' in our emotional exchanges. They fight dirty, they use guilt, they say things that I could say, but won't. They always seem to aim low and despite their obvious intelligence, say and claim to think really stupid things. I don't buy it.

I could be wrong... I've had a weird life, but do we all know that person who is basically a junkie for something... and they'll say they are 'listening to you', and they've 'totally changed', and you 'make so much sense', but you really feel like they're just working you to get their next fix. I've experienced this literally and figuratively so many times I figure it's got to happen to most people at least once. And that's what it seems like this person is doing.

I don't know if they mean to or if they just choose not to notice something that's been pointed out to them a dozen times. Either way, it seems pretty willful and honestly, hurtful. While I don't feel it would be right to cut this person completely out of my life, I do feel like I might reduce my interaction with them, even if it hurts me, just out of self-preservation.

I don't honestly know if I can do it, but here's me trying to, intoning the words. "I will not kick the football again."

Thanks and I love you all.
Monday, April 5th, 2010
11:30 pm
Deconstructing myself again.
I haven't looked in on my quest to understand myself in a while. This is mostly because the times that I am happy, I don't want to understand myself. I have a bit of fear of myself and what I am capable of, and that's a part of myself I try to avoid when happy.

Still, one day these notes may help to stop me should I run amok. Heh. Egotism. I am currently too complacent to do the horrible things in my head. Lacking a Superman, I am content not to apply myself to become Lex Luthor.

Today, I choose to look at one of my greater (if rarely used) strengths that ties into a great weakness.Read more...Collapse )
2:43 am
Because I told myself I was going to be thoughtful here again.
I don't know if I've mentioned that I have little in the way of personal fear before, and if I haven't, than I'm not going to explain now. Anyway, positing that I have little in the way of personal fear, there are some things that scare me, not necessarily for myself, but for the people I care about and the world in general.

On that note, I'd like to talk about time travel.Read more...Collapse )
Thursday, April 1st, 2010
4:41 pm
Deliberately looking down as I carefully maneuver the internet today.
Don't want heart-stopping pranks to attack me today. My life is mostly pretty great, but I've been listening to music, and some songs just mess with me. Also, been in an active dream cycle, so I have a dozen amazing (though at least 3/4 of them are heartbreaking) stories that I need to tell so I can stop having the dreams.

Having a bit of lackadasia (?) about script frenzy. Enjoying writing the simulcra story, but the beginning is rough. I want to give too much exposition and I hate it when movies do that.

I miss having a writing group. I want to write small snatches of dialogue about songs that mean a lot to me. I had the writing group, but no one who is in it is really talking anymore.

Also, until I get my new hires trained, I'm working seven days a week and going to school in the middle of the day two days a week. I'll survive, but it sucks.

Really do love all of you. Sorry my love can be hard to handle.
Sunday, March 21st, 2010
5:05 am
Being happy kills my online life.
Most people who are distant I rarely talk to anymore. I don't write thought provoking stuff here, because I have an intelligent person to discuss it with at home. It's mostly just tiny updates of what I'm doing. That has to be boring. I honestly wish I was either OCD or egotistical enough to type in all the things that are stimulating me lately, because that would lead to conversation.

That's what I miss most about that last group of friends. I would stir myself specifically to go out and see them. My current friends, who I still love, are either just as homebody as me or are only worth a major effort some of the time. God, I am an egotistical jackass.

MeNoWriMo has got me down. that's why I'm being like this. My current story has a great setting, great characters, even a decent plot, but it's... it's like it doesn't have a shadow. Do any of you writers out there know what I mean? The story is so huge, it should be connected to something. It should be an allegory, but even though there are parts in it that are easily and tremendously allegorical, it lacks a unifying one. Some people I know are so confident of my storytelling they can't help. Others are offended by the fairly blasphemous content of this particular story. I have trouble getting hard feedback on this one. It's just frustrating.

On the plus side, though, I've decided to try scriptfrenzy this year, though I have no idea if I'll be able to do it. Unlike most writers, I've never really given thought to writing a movie or play. It's never been something I've wanted to do. I've always been in plays, not writing them. I've already got a pretty interesting plot, too, I think.

Anyone out there want to help me through my block? Kit tries, and is awesome, but she's been hearing about the story too long and understands it too well to give me anything fresh.

Even if not, I love you guys. Truly I do.
Saturday, March 13th, 2010
3:56 am
Work bitching.
I really hate that people think that paying a discount price for a hotel room gives them the right to be loud enough to wake up half the people on their floor... or think that because they are not sleeping and can survive on 'beer and fuckin' that other people can... or want to hear that last after seeing them in far too little clothes.

Ugh.

Life's still good, but having three dozen drunk bow hunters, one of whom is just a ridiculous asshole is a bit frustrating.
Thursday, March 11th, 2010
4:52 pm
A happy realization.
I'm not doing anything all that special for my birthday, at least not right now, but a realization I had earlier this week is pretty amazing. Everyday is like my birthdays used to be. Most days, I spend a little time with people who I care about and who are worth spending time with. Every day, I get to play some video games and eat food I like. Some days, I buy things simply because I want them, and I do my best not to feel guilty about that. I'm working toward my dream of being a high school english teacher and am making steady headway on that. I have a job that I am good at, and that generally requires fairly little of me. I'm making enough money to be able to go to school next fall at the more expensive Sam Houston University, with a minor commute. I've got plenty to read, almost enough time to sleep, plenty to think about. I've finished wtiting (if not editing) one novel and am working on a second. Sure, there are friends I wish I could see more often, but it's kind of always been that way. And maybe one day I will get to spend more time with those people and take trips to meet other people. The world has so many wonderful possibilities these days. Not to mention how amazing Kit is.

She got me more Snapple Lemonade delivered all the way from a deli in New York. They don't sell it anywhere down here, and I was craving some. Anyway, that plus the first two seasons of the muppet Show and books, and I'm doing pretty well. I do love you all, even if we do not speak, and I hope that you're all well. I am. Thank you. You contribute to my happiness.
Wednesday, March 10th, 2010
7:04 am
Birthday.
Everyone's been bugging me about it, so I finally decided what I wanted to do, and I trust you guys to help if you happen to be the one randomly selected to. If you are the randomly selected friend, you will wake up in a Batman costume tied to a chair, Kit and I will be dressed as the Joker and Harley Quinn. Your part is simple. Simply say 'I'm Batman!' or 'Where's the girl?!' in response to every question. This will insure a happy birthday for me. Thank you for your possible help.

I can't wait to do my Harley Quinn voice.
Monday, March 1st, 2010
1:30 am
MeNoWriMo
I'm doing a personal writing month, along with Kit. The goal is another 50,000 words by months end. I'm looking to finish another of the four novels that stand completed in my head. There are another dozen tha aren't, but those aren't as bothersome as the ones to which I already know the end.

Tons of stimulus. Books, movies, video games, rpgs. Running a AU Age of Exploration Scion game. That's right, players are children of gods in a world in which men are forbidden from being on boats with sails. You may recognize the world from one of those upcoming novels. Anyway, pirates with god powers in the age of exploration! Woo.

Also, 500 words. Will probably make a sticky with word count. Literary adventure! (Edit) 1,221 words.

Love you all.
Monday, February 15th, 2010
10:48 am
Haven't caught up on reading, but since I've been nudged thrice...
Hello. Life is mostly good. Just been super busy with non-online life.

Have had to pick up new kitten Jupiter six times in the space of the last sentence to stop him from attacking keyboard and fingers.

Zack, who I hadn't seen in years, dragged me into Warhammer 40k. Just finished Mass Effect 2. Work is still good. Have finished reading about a dozen books since the new year. I'm in my last semester of junior college. Should finally have my associates in May, then will be transferring to Sam Houston and commuting. Doing a Me NoWriMo in March, I think. Decided I'm going to try to get all four of the full novels in my head comitted to epaper this year. No promises on editing. (Whew. Jupiter finally rediscovered his food, roughly tripling my typing ability) First, I'm just going to get them all out. Saw Ross and Photi Styx at Aggiecon. Just about the only good thing at Aggiecon, sadly. Going to have lunch and a movie with mom today.

Everything is mostly wonderful right now. Just busy with one thing and another. Hope everyone is doing well and will try to catch up on reading when there isn't an assault kitty hanging on my every word. Love you all.
Sunday, December 27th, 2009
5:44 am
Well...
I've now been told I'm a good ear by... hmm, three ex girlfriends, two people who've tried (thankfully unsuccessfully) to kill me, two people who've tried to rob me, and at least a dozen people who've tried to convert me. Most of those people, I never thought I would see again, and then they all showed back up. I admit it, ok? I still have a crazy life. Now, can we cool it for at least another little bit.
Saturday, December 26th, 2009
11:45 pm
Jim Croce.
Jim Croce music reminds me of a very specific time in my life.
Friday, December 18th, 2009
2:54 am
Life has been pretty busy, but good.
Kit and I had our fifth anniversary, which we were too busy and sick to even remark upon when it happened. Still, post-anniversary gifts were absolutely awesome. Once a certain christmas present is given, there will be pictures. For now, descriptions will have to do. Kit got me a kick-awesome nerf sniper rifle that disassembles into a carbine and pistol. We're going to mod it to shoot further than the 10 yards it's already spec'ed for. I got her a carved T-rex about 2 ft square from a single block of wood.

Kit also had a birthday and we have Decemberween coming up. There may be some pictures of that stuff, too. We'll see.

Finals went (edit) well. Apparently, I got all A's, but I may need to wait for Saturday for confirmation, which will bring my overall GPA to 3.6. Whoo!

Met some of Dicky's friends and they are cool. We'll see if they actually want to be our friends or are just putting up with me bugging them soon enough, I guess.

Going home to see Kit's family for the first time in months. We're both pretty excited because we really like her family and it's really relaxing at their house. Working a lot, because of Mark's departure, but since I don't have school, it balances out. I hope I'll have some actual time off this summer, because I could use some real time off one day.

Everything's pretty good overall. I'll be trying to graduate Blinn (finally) this semester, and will finally be at least Associates level in my education. Then I'll be transferring to Sam Houston probably. It's a commute, but it's half the price of A&M (if double the price of Blinn). Overall, life's pretty good. Lots of stimulus. We're still alive and together, and that's a lot.

Love to all, like velveteen rabbits.
Sunday, November 29th, 2009
12:33 am
NaNoWriMo
I won! I won I won I won I won I won!

I wrote over 50000 words in 28 days. I have a full novel that I WROTE that I can edit and maybe one day try to publish. I won NANOWRIMO! With the previous stuff I wrote for this thing, it comes out to about 57,000 words. I have a novel. I wrote a novel. Still tons to do, but I wrote a novel. In a month. I rule!

I rule.

Edit: that's like 600k of text. That's a lot of text. Almost 100 pages.
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